Once again at the back of the same taxi, Jin wonders why the hell his dream is replaying this scene all over again.
"The hosts loved that kick..." he hears himself say. He follows in his past self's steps, because he can't think of another alternative. "We won't be having any other appearance together for a while so... at least the fans will have something funny to remember us by."
Kame's smile fades.
"I wonder why though." he replies. "Why isn't management telling us..."
Jin's heart rate speeds up. Maybe he could use this dream-loop to try different ways of bringing the news to Kame. At least it could help him learn how to deal with similar situations in the future. (Even though he can't think of any similar situation arising anytime soon, unless he tells Josh he wants a six-month break).
"Well actually... I think I know why. I do know why."
Kame stills, an eyebrow raised.
"You know? What is it then?" He still sounds simply curious. Maybe a little bit worried.
Jin sighs. His hands are suddenly getting damp so he wipes them on his knees.
"Um. Can we talk about it later?"
And so he chickens out of talking about it, again.
But Kame's piercing gaze doesn't look like he intends to let this go.
"Jin... what's wrong."
He closes his eyes. He might as well try the direct way. He swallows, but his throat still feels too dry when the words come out.
"I'm leaving for six months. I'm going to LA."
Kame blinks, like he's not sure he heard him right.
"You mean six days, right?"
A nervous laugh.
"...You said months."
Jin bites his lip and forces himself to look his friend in the eye.
"Six months, Kazuya. KAT-TUN will continue without me. For now."
He sees his friend grow paler with every word.
"...you can't possibly be thinking of doing that. We just debuted."
His voice is still low. But Jin hears it...the anger building up. His anxiousness makes him babble.
"Well, technically you debuted earlier." As soon as the words leave his lips, Jin regrets them.
" .. Are you implying that I'm the selfish one here?" His voice is growing louder by the second. "You know perfectly well I had no choice!"
Kame's eyes are tight shut, an ugly frown on his face. He looks lost.
"Jin" he sighs, "...don't do this. Please."
At first, Jin doesn't know what to reply. What's the point of giving him false hope... In the end, staying factual seems to be the easiest way out.
"...plans are already made. The tuition is paid for and everything is already arranged." For once that Kame is pleading... Jin feels like an asshole for giving such an emotionless answer.
He sees the anger flash in the younger's eyes.
"And you don't suppose it would've been a good idea to talk it through with us beforehand?!" Kame asks, disbelievingly.
"You wouldn't have let me go."
Jin squirms in his seat.
"...I know I would've caved in if you asked me to stay... and then I would've hated you for it. I ... I don't want to hate you Kazuya."
Dream-Jin seems to know himself better than Jin remembers. Maybe because he has the benefit of having twice as many brains.
Kame is glaring at him.
"Right. You'd rather be selfish and make me hate you instead."
"I didn't want to hurt you... so I never found the guts to bring it up... but I need to get away." He replies, somewhat desperately. "I need to see what it's like to have a normal life or I'll go crazy. You'll understand and forgive me one day..."
If anything, Jin's last sentence seems to make Kame even angrier.
"I wouldn't be so sure if I were you." he says, and asks the driver to stop.
"Kazuya wait, please!"
"You say you don't want to hate me... that you don't want to hurt me. Don't pretend this is about me when it's only about you." he snarls, before slamming the door shut.
Since this direct way worked out so badly, Jin goes back to the initial version of that conversation the next time the dream loops through that memory.
And so he's back to Pi's place, getting drunk with Pi, Ryo and Kame.
"Glad you're joining us tonight Shuuji-kun~" says Pi before going to the kitchen, and this time Jin doesn't follow him. It's only after his third coke-vodka that he remembers drinking less might be a good idea to try a different outcome for their evening.
Kame is getting giggly again, but this time Jin finishes his own glass before Kame can steal anything from it.
"You're no fun" Kame whines.
"Well at least I'm comfortable"
Jin mutters, eyeing his side where Kame is comfortably leaning on him.
"Yup..." the younger murmurs, snuggling closer.
Tipsy Kame always was more touchy-feely... being cool didn't matter anymore in those circumstances.
"Hey lovebirds. More drinks?"
Jin wants to retort something, but Ryo hands them a refill and Kame is clinking their glasses together again.
Between the soft lull of Pi's stereo, Pi and Ryo's conversations and Kazuya relaxing against his side ...it's a nice evening.
Kame soon gets up to go to the bathroom and this time, Jin doesn't feel like being interrogated by Ryo so he gets up too.
"I need to pee too."
Kame just smirks and walks away.
Pi holds Jin back though.
"I think it's best if you use my other bathroom."
Why does Pi have to keep telling him to stay away from Kame ?
It's not like Jin can't behave.
While he washes his hands, his brain feels all fuzzy. Of course it has to be in the bathroom that he realises that he's more drunk than he thought he was. But it's a nice feeling, and Kame isn't angry with him now so all is well. And something about a cuddly Kame makes him very glad... if this is a dream, he might as well enjoy it. Because current Kame won't be like that with him anytime soon.
So when he's back sitting on the floor, he takes extra care to welcome Kame back against him.
His shoulders are resting against the sofa, his knees spread out wide. And he beckons Kame to sit between them, his slender back against his chest.
"Jin, you're gonna get all the girls you need at the club. Stop mollesting Kame."
"He's not mollesting me. He's just... my comfortable bakanishi pillow." His laugh sounds like he's half-mocking him.
But to be honest, staying here with Kame in his arms is more tempting than moving right now.
Even if Kame is all angles like this... it's /Kame/.
Ryo seems to have given up on trying to reason with them and pours himself another drink.
"I need to be more drunk than this to witness this...".
At some point Kame looks up at Jin and his smile is so tender Jin feels his heart squeeze. He's beautiful... he cares for his older friend so much... and Jin is going to hurt him.
Kame seems to notice a change in Jin's expression.
"Are you okay?"
A shaky breath escapes his lips.
What can he say... he doesn't want to ruin the mood. But Kame is waiting for an answer so he ends up sighing,
"I can't do this..."
Kazuya seems to have completely misunderstood him because next he says.
"If 'this'... is what I think it is... just... don't think. Have another drink and... and just enjoy the moment."
He settles back in his arms and Jin starts breathing again. He hasn't had such a close view of Kazuya's face in so long. He gets why everyone is crazy about him. With his delicate features, his sunny smile... and his nicely defined muscles. People think Kame is girly but Jin knows better than that. People think Kame is either cool or weird. But to Jin, even his weird sides are cool. And his awkward ones endearing.
Drunk Kame is a strange mix of of all them. But that's fine because Jin likes them all... and truth be told, he'd missed them.
With all these musings, he hasn't noticed Kame's eyes on him.
He's just emptied another glass.
Something about the younger's penetrating gaze unnerves him.
Kazuya doesn't say anything but starts playing with the holes in Jin's jeans. Akanishi blinks, slowly. He could almost fall asleep like this.
Ryo and Pi are getting pretty drunk themselves, talking about their last date failures or talking about the latest company gossip.
It's only later that Jin absent-mindedly notices that Kame's thumb is gently drawing circles, just above the inside of his knee. It's unexpected but... Jin doesn't mind.
He lets his knees fall apart a bit lower, letting his whole body relax.
If only there were cushions on the floor... this would be a perfect nap place.
His move makes Kame have to readjust his position.
"Sorry... should I..."
"No," Kame instantly replies. "This is fine. Unless I'm getting too heavy."
"Of course not. Silly."
His hand skims accross Kazuya's stomach, and his voice suddenly gets more serious. "Don't you even dare think that you're too heavy."
Kame takes Jin's hand off him.
"I don't. Stop worrying."
Jin huffs. He knows Kame won't be that thin forever. At least, that's a comforting thought.
"You don't get to tell me when to worry about you or not to," he mumbles.
Kazuya says nothing for a while.
"...thanks...I guess," he finally replies, more softly.
They don't talk after that. Kame absent-mindedly plays with Jin's fingers. Jin plays back. It's just so... easy and comfortable. It's not even conscious move anymore, they just somehow feel better with this gentle contact going on between them.
Pi and Ryo go to the kitchen to look for more drinks. They've been deep in conversation for a while, Jin hasn't been paying much attention to them. But deep down... he realises his and Kame's behaviour probably hasn't gone unnoticed. He just can't bring himself to care right now.
Kame still playing with his fingers, his warm body wriggling against him to find a better position... everything is fine.
Until Kame moves and his butt is nice and snug against him and Jin has to bite back a surprised gasp.
His heart hammering like crazy, he wonders if Kame just did that on purpose or...
He's subtly re-arranging his butt again. And again.
Maybe it's not a position he's looking for because ...those subtle hip moves don't look sensual for nothing. Rubbing Jin in all the right places and Jin can't help it: here comes that familiar prickling feeling...and his face starts to feel hot.
"Kazuya... w-what are you..."
"Shut up Jin."
He's not giggly or girly anymore. It's bossy and... a little bit hot. Okay, maybe not just a little bit.
Jin can't think. He ought to move away. But his hips disagree.
He prays that Pi or Ryo aren't coming back. He can hear them talking about the combini they're about to go to. Leaving Jin and Kame alone for a few minutes. Alone!!
"...Kame...." Jin murmurs, in a last attempt to find an explanation... maybe he's imagining things because... Kame, hitting on him, really?
But there's no way he's imagining that hot gasp escaping Kame's lips. For a second this all feels so real Jin forgets this is a dream.
They hear the front door close & Jin doesn't even want to imagine whether his two friends walked past them or not. Kame lifts dark eyes to Jin.
"Are you okay?" the younger asks, almost shyly, like he's suddenly unsure of his bold move.
"I... yeah..." pretending nothing happened seems like a good idea.
But then Kame gives him such a happy smile that Jin's stomach starts doing summersaults. He was always gorgeous... But seeing Kame like this... it's beyond everything Jin has ever seen on him. Except maybe once, during a vague memory of another drunken night - during Gokusen. When Kame had also been a bit touchy feely and Jin had welcomed it.
He wishes he remembered that night better.
"Still scared you can't do this?"
"I don't know what 'this' is..."
But his blush gives away the fact that his mind is going places.
Kame smirks. And snakes his hand behind his back.
Jin realises what's going to happen a second before it does... his whole body tenses while his brain shuts down.
"...you're hard..." Kame murmurs, his hand cupping Jin's crotch and Jin feels like he's about to implode.
Kame rolls over so that he's facing him instead.
Jin blinks back at him, a little bit panicked, a lot turned on.
Kame meets his gaze and seems to find the confirmation he needs there because next he's pulling Jin's zipper down.
"Fuck....fuck fuck fuck..." Jin breathes. This is... Kame is..
He looks so debauched when he's drunk and so hot. And his hand is on his dick.
He's panicking. He wants. He wants... he can't.
His head is spinning. Kame's grip is firm and quick.
"You're so hot," the younger whispers.
Jin whimpers. Of course this was what this whole evening was leading to. What was he thinking.
He can't think straight.
Kame slows down and Jin lets out a needy noise, bucking his hips towards his hand.
Kazuya is staring at him. Licking his lips. And Jin is thinking things he shouldn't be thinking of.
He closes his eyes. Tries to block out all his thoughts.
"Should I take my rings off?" Kame asks. "What do you like..."
"Just..." just his hand would be fine. Or mou..
But then he catches up with Kame's words.
"I-I can't. I... "
"Jin calm down...." Kame suddenly looks worried and draws back.
Jin closes his eyes. He can't breathe.
"I'm married." he blurts out.
And Kame's face changes from worried to horrified.
It seems like the dream knows when Jin does the wrong thing. Because Jin is back to starting point. Except now his mind is restless. Sitting at the back of that taxi, he's never felt this jittery around Kame in his life.
Part of him feels guilty. But part of him reasons that he can't help what he dreams about.
He has no idea what to do this time. But now he knows there are more things to investigate than how a conversation about LA could've gone.